One Step Toward Getting Out of the Trauma Tornado
***This post was originally published on 05/06/2013***
You Must Jump OUT of the Trauma Tornado has quickly become the most popular post on my blog. Trauma mommas are seeing how they got sucked into the tornado that is created by their child of trauma, and they are seeing the importance of jumping out. But many mommas are wondering, “When I find myself spiraling inside the tornado, how do I take the first step toward jumping out?”
Remember the “Scared Parent à Looks Scary” part of the trauma tornado?
The first step of jumping out of this tornado is knowing what your scared parent triggers are.
I’m a bad mom
Almost every trauma momma I work with has a scared parent trigger that is some variation on this theme.
Momma, your child’s behavior has absolutely nothing to do with you being a good or bad momma and everything to do with having trauma stuck in his brain.
Period. End of Story.
Is “I’m a bad mom” one of your scared parent triggers? I’ll bet it is! If my child tantrums, lies, steals, is controlling, hits, bites, gets kicked out of daycare, doesn’t attach to me, has poor hygiene, etc. etc. etc. then it’s because I’M A BAD MOM!!!
Replace that scared parent trigger with the truth.
Something like “I’m scared I don’t have the tools to parent my child.” “Parenting my child is really really hard.” “I’m always doing the best I can.” Or maybe “I need help knowing the best way to parent my child.” Any or all of those may be true, and none of them equate to “I’m a bad mom.”
Remember that identifying our role in the trauma tornado does not mean accepting blame or fault. Identifying our role means we understand that it is impossible NOT to get sucked into the trauma tornado. Unfortunately, we cannot ask our children to jump our first…we must lead the way.
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