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A quick course tour!!

July 10, 2020

Here’s a little look around the inside of Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain!

You can get details about each module, read from reviews, and check out the FAQ section if you CLICK HERE!

Registration is open through Monday the 13th!

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Like what you read here? To get even more support, click here to sign up to get my emails! Sometimes they are funny, sometimes they are inspiring, sometimes they just keep you updated on new resources, webinars, and trainings!

Robyn Gobbel, LCSW, RPT-S  is a blogger, teacher, trainer, and consultant for therapists and professionals working with children with a history of complex trauma.  

Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain

July 8, 2020

I’m finally doing it. A self-paced, in-depth, online course for parents and caregivers of dysregulated children!!!

I’ve taken the top things I’ve learned in 15 years of supporting families of children with a history of trauma and created a digestible, comprehensive, and easy-to-understand AND easy-to-access course.

Parenting After Trauma: Minding the Heart & Brain

This course will teach you to look THROUGH the behaviors to the REAL problem...regulation, connection, and felt-safety.

Then you will tackle THOSE things- NOT JUST the behaviors.

  • You’ll gain clarity & confidence.
  • You’ll learn steps to help yourself stay more regulated.
  • You’ll be able to see your child for who they really are…precious. Perfectly imperfect. REALLY struggling.
  • You’ll learn how to set boundaries AND offer the support they need to regulate and succeed.

This nine-module course contains:

  • Six hours of audio and video lessons (mostly videos) broken up into small, digestible chunks that are easy to revisit and review
  • 50(ish) beautifully designed (if I do say so myself) worksheets- including both self-reflection worksheets that designed to help you really learn the material and identify any blocks that may be emerging AND action/implementation worksheets that will help you do just that- take action and implement the course!
  • Over an hour and a half of audios (in thirty second to two minute chunks) that guide you through using and implementing the worksheets

Registration will open BRIEFLY July 9 – 13! You’ll be able to join this course for the intro rate that was offered in June. When I open the course again in the fall, the low introductory rate will no longer be available. I’ll keep improving the course and you’ll ALWAYS have access!!!

Join the waiting list so you’ll get all the updates!!!

Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain for ALL the details and to sign up for the waiting list!

:::

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Like what you read here? To get even more support, click here to sign up to get my emails! Sometimes they are funny, sometimes they are inspiring, sometimes they just keep you updated on new resources, webinars, and trainings!

Robyn Gobbel, LCSW, RPT-S  is a blogger, teacher, trainer, and consultant for therapists and professionals working with children with a history of complex trauma.  

Depathologize Human Behavior. For Good.

July 6, 2020

I’m done with participating in a mental health system of pathology. In viewing human behavior through ANY lens except one that says “Based on your past experiences, your mind, your brain, and your current experiences, everything you are doing, seeing, saying, believing makes complete sense.”

I was done a loooong time ago.  I changed my approach, my beliefs.  I immersed myself in interpersonal neurobiology, then the relational neurosciences.  IPNB theory asserts that as complex systems (the human mind) we are ALWAYS attempting to move toward coherence.  That a lack of integration (often a result of early experiences, but certainly not always!) causes our minds to move toward chaos or rigidity- and that this move toward chaos or rigidity presents itself outwardly at the symptoms we label mental illness.

But even as our systems move into chaos or rigidity, we are always attempting to move back into coherence, connection, and regulation.  And sometimes the way we do that isn’t quite as helpful as we’d hoped.

This often looks like symptoms too!!!

What changes when we believe that everything we do is a result of our brain’s shift into chaos or rigidity and then our attempts at trying to regulate and move back into coherence? And that as complex systems, this is always happening.  We are ALWAYS trying to move back into coherence.  It’s a mathematical fact.  What changes?

For me, basically everything.

Centuries of Puritanism, industrialism, capitalism, racism, and colonialism have curated an intergenerational belief based on fear and power that somehow our behaviors are about character or something being right or wrong with us.

The way our body processes sugar is easily considered a simple manifestation of the brain and nervous system, but the way our body processes experiences and then is expressed through behavior is considered character.

What if all our behaviors are just a manifestation of our inner experience?  Our brain, mind, body, nervous system?

And what if human beings were always moving toward being their best selves?  And what if human being’s best selves were literally designed to be in connection?  Relational? Cooperative?  Individualistic and collective?  A truly integrated mind, brain, and body easily creates a we…a me and a you that comes together for something unique without relinquishing the me OR the you.  ALL are important!!!

I slept weird the night into the 4th. I’m not sure why…maybe getting a HUGE project finally done.  But I woke up Saturday morning after a somewhat sleepless night (very strange me for….I usually have no problems sleeping a solid seven or eight hours!) with an energy I haven’t felt in a long time- maybe ever.  An energy of commitment no longer participate in ANY way in a pathologizing system of mental health. An energy to be a strong voice leading our mental health system away from good, bad, right, wrong, with interventions that dehumanize and preference someone else’s ideas of how humans should be or act. 

I’ve been committed to depathologizing mental health for years and years and years.  In my clinical work.  In my teaching and writing and blogging and speaking and writing.  

I’m going to up my game. 

If we could truly understand what is driving people’s behaviors, we could easily extend compassion while also having extremely clear boundaries.

We would stop shaming everyone.  EVERYONE.  Even people committing the biggest atrocities.  We would have BOUNDARIES (get those people out of power, put people in jail when needed) but we would also fiercely look at WHY those behaviors were happening.  We would stay curious and not shaming.  We would then create opportunities of healing and integration, instead of more shaming, pathologizing…which only increase the very behaviors we are trying to stop (mainly, behaviors that hurt other humans). 

There’s too much to say and write about this and my thoughts aren’t organized quite enough yet. 

Depathologizing people, humans, mental health is our only way out.  If we could truly understand the mind and behaviors- including behaviors that don’t inspire connection and community (violence, power, objectification, etc.) – and understand them through curiosity, compassion, and boundaries instead of shame, othering, and continued dehumanizing…we could maybe get out of this mess in a generation.  Or two.

And those are my grandkids.

I have to try.

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Like what you read here? To get even more support, click here to sign up to get my emails! Sometimes they are funny, sometimes they are inspiring, sometimes they just keep you updated on new resources, webinars, and trainings!

Robyn Gobbel, LCSW, RPT-S  is a blogger, teacher, trainer, and consultant for therapists and professionals working with children with a history of complex trauma.  

Trauma Behavior? Or just acting up?

May 22, 2020

This is one of the most common questions I get…from both parents AND from other therapists.

“I need to figure out…is this bad behavior just normal kid acting up behavior?  Or is this behavior because of their trauma?!”

“Ah,” I say. “You’d like to distinguish between if this behavior is about this child’s trauma or not!”

“Yes.”

“Yeah!  I’m curious- what feels helpful about being able to distinguish?”

“Well…if it’s normal kid acting up, I’ll set a boundary and maybe a consequence.”

“Oh!  I get it!  You’ll respond differently based on if the behavior is about trauma or just normal kid acting out- that’s why you want to know!  You want to know how to respond!”

“Well, yes!”

“AHH! OK!  Gosh, it seems like a lot of work to try to figure out if you child’s behavior is related to their trauma or not…is this something you think about a lot?”

“YES!  I know if it’s a trauma behavior I have to respond different! If it’s about trauma then I want to meet their need and help them.”

“Oh gosh, of course that’s what you want to do.  I can see clearly how much you adore your kid, want to respond in a way that helps and doesn’t hurt.”

“YES!”

“I wonder if you might be open to considering an easier way to help distinguish how to respond to your child’s behaviors?  And take yourself off the hook for trying to figure out all the time ‘is this due to trauma or not?’”

“Definitely if it’s easier, for sure.  But I don’t understand…I thought we really needed to know if it was a trauma behavior or not?! How do I set a boundary if I don’t know?!?!”

“Yeah, that makes total sense that it feels really important to know…but actually…it really doesn’t!  What is MORE important to know is how regulated or dysregulated is your child.  How connected is he to his owl brain?  Is her watch dog brain taking over? Or her possum brain?”

“Uh…my kid does not have a zoo in their brain!”

“HA! Of course not!!  It’s just a playful way of looking at how dysregulated the brain is.  When we’re playful, it’s easier to learn, easier to stay regulated, easier to help our kid! There are four different stages of dysregulation in the watch dog and possum brain…and if we figure out what level of dysregulation your child is, we’ll know how to respond!”

“What does dysregulation have to do with this bad behavior? He doesn’t SEEM dysregulated! Just acting bad.”

“Well…if regulated, connected kids who feel safe, and know what to do of course, behave well, the dysregulation has everything to do with behavior!  When our owl thinking brain is in charge, we behave in ways that invite connection.  So, even if a behavior doesn’t LOOK dysregulated, if it’s NOT inviting connection, then we need to get curious about what’s going on INSIDE.”

“But…what about my child’s trauma history?”

“YES!  We will definitely be keeping that in mind because kids with trauma history often have realllllly overactive watch dog or possum brains!!!”

“Possums are freaky…”

“Yes I know…once I woke up to one on my brand new laser jet printer and I screamed.  It was terrifying!”

“Uh…a possum? On your printer? Like…inside?”

“YES!  I’ll tell you that story later.  But really my point is, we can learn to take cues from our kids about how active their watch dog brain or their possum brain is…and when we know which stage they are in (calm, alert, alarm, fear, or terror) then we know what to do. And we ONLY teach when the owl brain is available and the watch dog and possum are calm. Also- even though we are talking about owls, and watch dogs and possums…this really is based completely on brain science.”

“So…I just let me child do whatever they want because they are dysregulated and the watch dog is taking over?”

“Oh my, that sounds awful!  Nope, definitely not.  It’s our job to provide the structures, boundaries, scaffolding, and coregulation that your child needs to help them realllllly grow their owl brains.  Just like if she was a toddler.”

“Except she’s 10.”

“I know.  That’s super frustrating and exhausting for sure.”

“And you are saying that trying to determine level of dysregulation is easier than trying to determine if it’s a behavior about trauma or not?”

“Well it’s easier because it’s POSSIBLE.  We could never truly distinguish between a trauma behavior and a not trauma behavior.  That’s just not how the brain works.”

“Ok…I really want to hear about what happened with that possum on your printer, so I guess tell me more about this ‘zoo in the head’ way of knowing how to respond to behaviors.”

*************************

Man….writing this was way more fun than I expected.  What a cool job I have 🙂

Trying to figure out if it’s a trauma behavior or not is exhausting…and ultimately impossible.

We can look at the stage of dysregulation- and ultimately ask ourselves “Is this child’s behavior inviting me into connection with them?” NO? Well…then we have to get beneath the behavior and figure out if they are regulated, connected to me (and themselves), and if they feel safe.  Then we help THAT.  The behavior is just the tip of the ice burg.

Parenting After Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain is a 9 module, self-paced parent course full of videos, self-reflection exercises, and action worksheets.  You’ll gain clarity about your child’s behaviors and confidence that you know how to respond.  Even if it’s just confidence in the truth that you have no IDEA how to respond (some behaviors are just head-scratching). 

You can read all the details and see if it’s a fit for your family by CLICKING HERE.  Let me know if you have questions!!!  The course will open for registration on July 9 – 13!  If you hop on the waiting list, you’ll be the first to know when registration opens!

Robyn

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Like what you read here? To get even more support, click here to sign up to get my emails! Sometimes they are funny, sometimes they are inspiring, sometimes they just keep you updated on new resources, webinars, and trainings!

Robyn Gobbel, LCSW, RPT-S  is a blogger, teacher, trainer, and consultant for therapists and professionals working with children with a history of complex trauma.  

Playfulness IS the Therapy- WEBINAR with Bonnie Badenoch

May 18, 2020

The Global Association for Interpersonal Neurobiology (GAINS) is hosting a FREE webinar with Bonnie Badenoch, PhD, LMFT and ME on Wednesday the 20th, 4pm eastern time!

Playfulness IS the Therapy

When feeling stressed, uncertain, or afraid, our brain works hard to protect us by reaching for tools and techniques to use in the therapy room.  We can honor our fear and then rest into the truth that presence is the most powerful intervention and playfulness IS the therapy.  Playfulness doesn’t need games or props or toys or even for us to be in the same room together!  Playfulness is experienced and shared through the resonance we co-create, even in tele-mental health therapy (and tele-play therapy!).  Join Bonnie Badenoch and Robyn Gobbel, along with the GAINS co-hosts as we explore the benefits of playfulness for our physical and mental health, as well as how to cultivate the spirit of playfulness in person and through a screen with clients of all ages.

You can register for this FREE webinar here: https://mindgains.org/playfulness-is-the-therapy/

Live attendance is free and GAINS members will have access to the recording!

In preparation for the webinar, I wrote a blog for the GAINS Blog: Playfulness is the Treatment for Isolation, Fear, and Loneliness

A short snippet for the article is here- and you can read the rest over on the GAINS blog!!

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How did we get lucky enough to live in a time-period where we have scientific evidence for the necessity of play and playfulness???

In a culture where we privilege verbal processing and solution identification, as well as a boot-straps mentality that hard work should feel hard, the truth that playfulness both heals and strengthens our mental wellness (which I think sounds like hard work that doesn’t feel hard!!) makes me giggle with delight.

You know… I’m a play therapist who once had a bit of an aversion to play and playfulness. Play, pleasure, playfulness, and delight felt frivolous and self-indulgent. It felt like a privilege awarded to the lucky, care-free few. Thankfully, studying IPNB fed my left-hemisphere the facts that it needed for me to trust that play, pleasure, playfulness, and delight are actually NONE of those things.

As I write this, we are beginning the sixth week of COVID-19 quarantine. I’m in my home-office in Michigan, a state with some of the strictest social isolation guidelines… meaning, in the last six weeks I’ve only seen my son and my husband face-to-face. And the few other trail-runners at our very deserted local trails. THAT’S IT!!!!  When the rug was first pulled out from underneath us, our brains had to reorient to almost EVERYTHING. All the tiny little hidden details, all the implicit hidden regulators in our daily lives were plucked away, almost all at once. This was true for most of us, regardless of how COVID-19 directly impacts our lives. Our brains are so good at anticipation and expectation…thank goodness, or every moment of every day would feel new and unexpected—and that would create a reality that looks VERY different from what we are used to!

But when all anticipations and expectations are no longer true, we experience a sense of danger that can vary in intensity based on our current (and past) reality.

We saw this in our homes, on the news, and in our social media feeds. It seemed as though everyone’s brain went into protection mode, with our stress-responses overflowing every which way.

I thought to myself, “This cannot last. Even if the quarantine lasts, even if the pandemic gets worse, this level of stress-response cannot last. Our nervous systems simply can’t sustain it.” And here we are. Regardless of our circumstances, our brains our reorienting. We have new anticipations and expectations.

As we reorient, even if what we are reorienting to is still not good, we settle. And as we settle, our body’s natural drive toward healing and wellness begins to emerge.

You can read the rest by clicking here!

Robyn

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Like what you read here? To get even more support, click here to sign up to get my emails! Sometimes they are funny, sometimes they are inspiring, sometimes they just keep you updated on new resources, webinars, and trainings!

Robyn Gobbel, LCSW, RPT-S  (when not in the middle of the coronavirus pandemic) is a blogger, teacher, trainer, and consultant for therapists and professionals working with children with a history of complex trauma.  
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I’m worried about the therapists…and the invisible front-line

May 12, 2020

“I’m worried….” is not an uncommon statement to hear coming from my mouth.  In the past year or so, I’ve been trying to really notice how often I start sentences with “I’m worried…” It’s been eye-opening because I don’t consider myself a terrible anxious person (neurotic is another story…perhaps my neuroses works so well that I don’t even notice obvious signs of anxiety.  Who knows!!)

So when I say “I’m worried about the therapists….” I don’t say that lightly.

I’m worried about the therapists.



While I’m on clinical sabbatical, I’m working with a LOT of therapists in consultation- individually and in groups.  I’m a part of several therapist social media groups, including one I moderate.  I am continuing to teach a lot of therapists.  I’ve got a pretty good pulse on what’s going on behind closed doors for these invisible front-line workers.

And it’s not good.

Being a therapist is really really really really really really hard.  The in-the-room work is exhausting but also so amazingly rewarding…and when we’ve got a good balance going on, the rewards are so great that we can keep moving through the exhaustion.

Eight weeks ago therapists across the country (world, probably, though I have less awareness of what’s going on outside the US) were thrust into a way of doing therapy that most did not ask for- telehealth.  While tele-mental health isn’t new, it was new for the majority of therapists on March 15, 2020 when the country shut down (and some of our NYC area therapists have been locked down even longer). 
 
Therapists took their caseloads and moved to a platform they knew nothing about, weren’t comfortable with, and had no interest in using.  
Thank you.

All of the sudden, they were utterly and completely alone.  

With a platform they didn’t know and didn’t like.

They showed up to do their jobs with their foundation crumbling.  When you haven’t ever done telehealth before, you have a HUGE adjustment to figure out how to create relational connection- the absolute FOUNDATION of doing our work and doing it well.  

Now do this with 20 or 30 people in crisis.  All at the same time.

NOW do this with children.
Watch your client’s struggle while you sit helplessly on the other side of the screen.  Then the screen freezes.  The client can’t see or hear you for a moment.  There is a time lag.  Then the software crashes.  You both try to reconnect.  

NOW do this while you are experiencing the exact same crisis that all your clients are experiencing.

I’m worried.  

Dear therapists.  I see you.  I’m shaken down with gratitude that you just keep trying.  You keep using a platform you hate.  You miss your clients, your office.  You’ve been waiting for this to be over and just get back to your four walls.

And now you realize that there is no going back to what it used to be.

Therapists are brainstorming how on earth they will sanitize their toys.  Which toys should I get rid of?  Which toys are cheap enough that Ican make individual play therapy kits for all my clients?  What do I take out the waiting room?  What sanitizing practices between clients are sufficient?  How am I at risk?  How are my clients at risk?  Do we insist clients wear masks?

Dear therapists.  I see you.  I have no solution but I see you.  We will probably lose some of you and I get it.  This is so hard.  
Our very very hard jobs have gotten very very much harder.  

I see you.

I’m thinking about you all the time.  My husband has heard me say “I’m worried about the therapists…” a lot.  Like….many times every single day.  Especially at the end of the day.  I’m trying to figure out what to do.  I have no idea.

So this is my first step.  A little note.  I see you

Thank you for continuing to try. And when you just can’t try anymore, I understand.


Robyn

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Like what you read here? To get even more support, click here to sign up to get my emails! Sometimes they are funny, sometimes they are inspiring, sometimes they just keep you updated on new resources, webinars, and trainings!

Robyn Gobbel, LCSW, RPT-S  (when not in the middle of the coronavirus pandemic) is a blogger, teacher, trainer, and consultant for therapists and professionals working with children with a history of complex trauma.  
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Untangling Disorganized Attachment

May 6, 2020

I can hardly imagine something more tragic than for the longing for connection to feel life-threateningly terrifying.

Two biologically ingrained systems…move away from danger and toward connection…get tangled up when the danger and connection come from the same place.

What if the very thing I needed to survive was the very thing I thought might cause my demise?

And this begins our exploration into the tragedy of disorganized attachment.

How do these systems get so tangled up?

How does that impact behavior?

And how do we begin UNTANGLING them?

On May 13, 2020, I’ll be offering an updated, new and improved (LOL) version of a webinar from 2017. I cannot believe it has been three years! It was time to update some science, update my slides (I make much prettier ones) and update my hair style (though…uh…with quarantine, I’m not sure this is a GOOD update!!).

Untangling Disorganized Attachment

This 90 minute webinar will:

  • Explain in plain English what disorganized attachment is, how it’s caused, and how it explains your child’s bizarre and confusing behaviors 
  • Give concrete parenting tools to help untangle disorganized attachment

This introductory webinar is ideal for families who:

  • Are just beginning to understand how their child’s attachment history is impacting them and/or
  • Would like to understand the nervous system mechanisms behind disorganized attachment and/or
  • Already know a lot about disorganized attachment but could use a little ‘booster shot’ to bring compassion back around for their child (and themselves!)

And as always…everyone who registers receives UNLIMITED and LIFETIME access to the recording!!

All details and registration are available over on my website. Check them out by CLICKING HERE!

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Like what you read here? To get even more support, click here to sign up to get my emails! Sometimes they are funny, sometimes they are inspiring, sometimes they just keep you updated on new resources, webinars, and trainings!

Robyn Gobbel, LCSW, RPT-S  (when not in the middle of the coronavirus pandemic) is a blogger, teacher, trainer, and consultant for therapists and professionals working with children with a history of complex trauma.  

Space for us all to grieve

April 13, 2020

I needed to talk through what I was feeling about grief, privilege, and how the privileged will hold our grief…and everyone else’s. I really see no other way.

But I couldn’t get my thoughts together. So I called Marshall.

Bless him. To have found a friend like Marshall.

Loving & Feeding the Child with a History of Trauma {webinar}

April 7, 2020

Food.

It’s a challenge in most of our homes.

Overeating. Undereating. Picky eating. Hoarding. Obsession. Refusal.

What happens when the very first way we learn to be nurtured becomes one of the most dreaded parts of the day?

Loving & Feeding the Child with a History of Trauma Webinar

In this brief one-hour webinar, we will:

  1. Look at feeding difficulties through the lens of the ‘trauma tornado’- noticing the only place we can ‘jump out.’
  2. Offer a few helpful tips and techniques to decrease food related stress in the home
  3. Invite parents and caregivers to gently explore (while offering heaping-portions of self-compassion) everything that gets activated in us when we can’t nurture our children in this very primal way.

I wish that our usual struggles melted away when we welcomed COVID19 into our lives…but they didn’t. I know some (many?!) of you are still trying to figure out your normal challenges of parenting a child with a history of trauma…and that food is one of the most common ones I hear about.

As always, this webinar is offered live and everyone who registers will receive lifetime and unlimited access to the recording (so you do not HAVE to attend live!!). And it is only $14!

Hop on over to my website for all the details and to register by CLICKING HERE.

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Like what you read here? To get even more support, click here to sign up for my newsletter! I try to send it out monthly. Sometimes I succeed. Mostly I don’t 🙂

Robyn Gobbel, LCSW, RPT-S  (when not in the middle of the coronavirus pandemic) is a blogger, teacher, trainer, and consultant for therapists and professionals working with children with a history of complex trauma.  

The Hub, The Rim, The Both And

March 24, 2020

“…Our mind can be pictured as a bicycle wheel, with the hub at the center and spokes radiating at the outer rim. The rim represents anything we can pay attention to or become aware of. The hub is the inner place of the mind from which we become aware of all that’s happening around and within us…” Dr. Dan Siegel

I can only imagine how I’d be managing this life-upending pandemic if it wasn’t for my immersion into interpersonal neurobiology and the relational neurosciences.

Dan Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson- The Whole Brained Child

If it hadn’t been for the science, I don’t know if I would have ever risked wading into the waters of integration, relational connection, and regulation.

IPNB turned this graphic…the idea that we have a hub of the mind and we can shift our attention to connect with things out on the rim….from a theoretical idea that sounded nice into a reality.

I lived my life completely on the rim. I didn’t NOTICE a feeling. I WAS a feeling. I was swept away. I had no sense of a hub. I had no sense of a ME.

I DEFINITELY had no idea what it meant to be with the ‘both and’.

And here we are. At the beginning of a crisis that will change our lives forever. NOTHING will ever be the same. And also there is the reality that it’s highly likely that me and my family will be one of the lucky ones. We will recover financially. We will not lose our house. If we get sick, we will probably get healthy again (though it seems to be more and more clear that this virus is unforgiving and we are ALL at risk of getting sick and not getting healthy again).

What about the people who cannot visit their dying loved ones…loved ones already on hospice when this started.

What about the folks who had their first day of sobriety on March 15th…

What about the children who live with adults who already cannot manage stress…and are flooded with emotion that makes them violent or turns them toward substances? And now these children aren’t in school, aren’t around other safe people.

I could write for days about the scenarios…the real-life scenarios that I would sit here and make up but that are actually happening to people out there RIGHT NOW while I sit in my home office and contemplate how I will dress warm-enough to go for a walk when it’s 30 degrees. I could write for DAYS about those scenarios but they aren’t scenarios, they are real.

And four or five years ago? Honestly…I’d sit here in complete paralysis about those scenarios. I’d sit in paralysis about my OWN situation, which truly, isn’t dire. I’d rage and cry and convince myself that the worse-case-scenario is absolutely inevitable so what is even the point.

And today? Well…actually…I’m still doing those things. But the difference? The difference in me today because I’ve lived and breathed and loved the relational neurosciences to the point that it has changed the cells in my body?

Today I can pause. Today I can see the terror, the paralysis…as points on the rim. And I can notice them, allow them to grab my attention…and then I can move on to the next point on the rim. And sometimes I find myself stranded at the rim not even knowing that any other point on the rim could possibly exist. And sometimes I stay in my hub, noticing these rims points and moving on to others.

When I hang in my hub, I can be with the both and. I can be with two completely contradictory experiences AT THE SAME TIME. I can welcome them all. I can not shame any part of me. I can acknowledge that terror, grief, and a toddler-like tantrum are all welcome. And so is peace, leaning into the unknown, and gratitude for all my good-fortunes.

The best part about the hub? Sometimes I am sitting so solidly in my hub that I can watch other people dancing on their rim…and not get pulled onto my own rim point. I can see them as simply being swept away. But I can stay in my hub. And maybe, I can even LEND them my hub. Maybe not. But hey…you never know.

I’m going to do my best to stay in my hub today. To notice all the things. To allow the terror. To allow the OKness. I’m also going to practice compassion when I return to my hub after being fully swept onto the rim. I won’t judge myself or shame myself. I will be grateful I could come back to the hub.

And I will be forever grateful to my mentors in the IPNB world…to my therapist…to my dear dear friends who support me in my hub…and to my husband.

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Like what you read here? To get even more support, click here to sign up for my newsletter! I try to send it out monthly. Sometimes I succeed. Mostly I don’t 🙂

Robyn Gobbel, LCSW, RPT-S  (when not in the middle of the coronavirus pandemic) is a blogger, teacher, trainer, and consultant for therapists and professionals working with children with a history of complex trauma.  

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